


The Effects of Love

by Living_Free



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Lucifer, Alpha Michael, Alpha by default Dean Winchester, Angel!Preg, BAMF!Castiel, Bottom Castiel, Crack, M/M, Mpreg, Nephilim, Omega Castiel, Omega by default Adam Milligan, Other, Pregnant Adam Milligan, Pregnant Castiel, Trueform Angels, Whales, hapless demons, happily asexual Raphael, he wishes everyone would just leave him alone, smut smut smut, spontaneous boners
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:56:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8306012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: The civil war in heaven is cut short by a wave of divine horniness - that’s right, it’s mating season! Join Castiel as he tries to discover his one true love, even as Dean tries to make him see how deeply he is treasured by the pie-loving hunter himself. Will Dean’s convoluted plans work?Will Castiel find his true love?And how will Adam ever push that Nephilim baby out?…wait, what?





	1. The Urge

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: No whales or fish were harmed in the making of this fic. Except, of course, the fish that ended up on my dinner plate.

"Surrender, foul rebel!"

"Never, wretched tyrant!"

Heaven was witness to the threats and insults spewed by Raphael and Castiel as they clashed, swords clanging loudly, adding to the chaotic noises of war in heaven. All around them, their siblings warred for freedom, and others for obedience. 

Castiel and Raphael broke apart in the middle of the battlefield, both breathing heavily. Raphael swiped at a cut in his cheek that was oozing grace, and flinched at the pain. "Tiny cretin! Cease your futile efforts and yield!" Raphael shrieked. Surprisingly, Castiel did just that, stopping in his tracks, and staring at Raphael with wide eyes. Raphael beamed at his wayward brother's sudden obedience. "Finally, you see the error of your ways! Repent, brother, so that we may free our bretheren from hell, and put the world to rights! What say you, Castiel?"

"BLEEERGH," Castiel replied, vomiting grace all over Raphael's splendid armour, sending the archangel careening out of his path. 

"Augh! What low insult is this!? Amneah, come to my aid, and we shall discipline this rebellious terror!" Raphael called out heatedly to his right hand angel. Amneah appeared at Raphael's side, and stumbled into his brother. "Amneah? What-"

"BLAAAAARGH," Amneah went, as he too proceeded to puke grace over his commander. Raphael backed away from both his siblings now, taking in the sight of the battlefield that was now littered with angels being sick. 

"What is this?" Castiel asked weakly. "What is happening to us all?"

Raphael gulped in horror, and found his voice. "We must end this war."

Castiel rolled his eyes from sphere he lay in fetal position on the ground. "That's what I've been saying, you ditz. What's going on thou- BLEEEEHH," he went again, spewing all over Raphael's immaculate shoes. 

Raphael did not even move, standing rooted to his spot in shock. "It has arrived," he whispered fearfully. 

"It is mating season."

\-----------

"Raphie, I'm cold!"

"Raphael, my wings itch!"

"Raph. You gotta help me bro, I'm really hard."

Raphael ran out of the room filled with whiny, horny, Angels to the sanctity of his own chambers. He had barely laid his head on the pillow before a rough voice interrupted his rest. "Open the door, Raphael, it's me." Raphael moaned and slid over to the door, inching it open to see his worst nightmare: a fertile Castiel. 

"You can't hide while our siblings are confused and hard," Castiel chastised him. "They will look to you for guidance, especially your fellow alphas. Poor Bartholomew has been hard for a week now, and he doesn't know what to do about it!" 

Raphael gaped at his siblings' ineptitude. "Well, then tell him to get out of his vessel!"

"That won't help! He has more than one appendage in his true form," Castiel countered. With an irritated scowl, he spread his wings in front of Raphael, who blushed and made to look away. 

"Cover your shame!"

"Under normal circumstances, I would be loath to ask my mortal enemy to soothe my itchy wings. Given the circumstances, though, you'll have to do. Itch me," Castiel demanded imperiously. Raphael slunk away as fast as he could, eager to get away from the bossy omega angel, leaving Castiel to rub his wings futilely against the wall. He would rather instruct the clueless alphas on how to jerk off than touch Castiel.

As he entered the infirmary, Raphael pondered on what to do. With heaven in the throes of the most heated mating season in its long history, there was no way that a war could be waged. The Angels from opposing factions were even now pairing off to rut and coo over each other and their subsequent fledgelings made from the graces of their siblings who had fallen in eons long past. Lord, he hoped that prick Zachariah wouldn't regenerate. Raphael was jolted out of his thoughts by having his arm insistently pulled by a frazzled Virgil. 

"Brother, I have not been flaccid for three days now! You must do something!"

"Well, go find a mate to stick it in!" Raphael replied testily.

"But who!? I cannot think for myself!"

"I don't know, what about that clod Niriel? He seems to be as obsessed with weapons as you are. Also, I heard that he's really fertile," Raphael added, subtly encouraging Virgil to leave him be. He breathed a sigh of relief as Virgil begged Niriel to mate with him, courting him with a vast array of pointy objects. Raphael turned around, only to encounter a very desirable Castiel once more. 

"Argh!"

"Raphael, stop shirking your responsibilities," Castiel scolded him. "Look at how our siblings suffer! This is due to your prudishness, and inability to educate them in proper self care at an early age! You owe it to them to help educate the masses!" 

"Yeah!" The rest of the angels sang in harmony.

"Castiel's right!"

"My nipples are sore!"

"I'm still hard!"

Raphael shut out the voices of the heavenly host and rounded on Castiel. "Fine. You win this round, you devious little omega, you. What do you propose that we do? I'm sure as hell not going to take on all of these morons by myself."

Castiel's eyes brightened. "We must encourage them to find mates! They can exercise their free will by courting those whom the fancy! They do it on earth all the time!"

Raphael huffed. Under normal circumstances, he would have quashed all talk of free will, but as he was rapidly growing hard himself, unable to resist the pull of the damned mating season, he let Castiel have his way as he sped off to his sanctum Santorum for some quality time. 

Castiel smirked and cackled at his hapless brother before turning to address the crowd of his frustrated siblings. "Brothers! Sisters! Hear me! I urge you to find mates for yourselves. Let your heart take you where it desires, and if your love is true, your mate(s) shall never leave your side, for you shall be forever bonded in love!"

The Angels cheered and flew to the garden of Eden to pick flowers to woo each other with, sending Joshua into a tizzy. Days passed, and heaven was filled with loving coos, as Raphael's soldiers met with Castiel's, and discovered that they were capable of love, without any guidance or orders. Truly, there was no greater power than this. 

"This 'love' pleases and satisfies me!" Theo boomed happily, whilst hugging a tiny omega angel who was squeaking happily. "Castiel's way was right!"

"All hail!" The Angels sang, as Castiel beamed. It was only later in the privacy of his chambers that Castiel allowed himself to feel the true extent of the call to mate. Now that this siblings were taken care of, he had to find a mate for himself. But who? Surely there would be an angel who shared his ideals and values, and was capable of loving him as he was, awkwardness and all. Surely, there would be some angel who was capable of respecting him without elevating him to hero status, and could bend him over and pound him hard and fast without fear of reprisal from the second most powerful angel in heaven. 

Castiel searched day and night, but all he got was hero worship and Angels flinging themselves at him, declaring him their saviour. All the while, his wings grew heavy with unshed oils, and his mood worse from not being joined in holy Union. After exhausting all of his options, Castiel decided to do the unthinkable. 

He went to Raphael.

"What?"

"So you're unmated too," Castiel observed as he rudely let himself into Raphael's chambers. "I am unable to find a mate who would be my equal," Castiel groaned. "I am beginning to fear that I may never find a mate, and end up old and lonely, like you!"

Raphael frowned. "I do not care for mating. It is messy, too bright, and sticky, and I am not attracted to any of the Angels. I can service myself just fine, thank you very much," he said snootily. 

"But I want a mate!" Castiel whined.

"Why are you telling me this? We are enemies," Raphael reminded him reasonably. 

Castiel glared at him in return. "I demand that you help me. If you do not, I shall go and tell the angels that you refused to help their beloved Castiel find his happiness."

"You would squeal on me?" Raphael asked angrily.

"Like a little piggy," Castiel hissed back vindictively. The two locked eyes in a heated staring match which Castiel won (of course). 

"Agh! Fine!" Raphael cursed, blinking rapidly. "We shall have to consult someone more powerful than myself about your freakish case."

"God?" Castiel asked hopefully.

"No," Raphael scoffed. "Gather yourself Castiel, for we are going to go to hell once more." Castiel's eyes widened in horrified understanding as Raphael smiled gleefully. 

"We are going to see Michael."


	2. A Fearsome Threesome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel can't help but wonder how Adam can take so many dicks at one. Clearly, that boy has more going for him than he lets on. 
> 
> Also, Dean's gears are grinding, and Sam notices something.

Navigating the convoluted routes of hell with a tremendous hard-on and a whiny omega was no easy feat, but Raphael managed it. He may have smote some demons along the way, but it wasn't like they were going to complain about it. They eventually reached the Cage's Antechamber, where Raphael knocked primly while Castiel fidgetted, itching his tertiary wings. 

"Who goes there?" A voice boomed from within the smoky depths.

"It is I, Raphael. Michael, I need your advice."

Michael appeared in the form of a young man who bore a striking resemblance to a younger John Winchester. Raphael recognized the vessel as one Jebediah Winchester, a great uncle of the Righteous Man. "Why are you wearing one of your older edition vessels?" Raphael questioned Michael. 

"I needed one, now that Adam's separated from me down here. Jebediah was of no historical significance, so I made a clone of him to wear with the DNA I had from wearing him last time. You're not here to talk about how smart I am, though. Why are you here, and why do you bring the troublemaker Castiel?" Michael thundered. 

"Pipe down over there!" Adam called from the Pit. "Lucifer was sleeping!" Michael flinched and apologized before fixing Raphael with a glare. 

"Hurry up, Raphael," he urged. 

"It is mating season for Angels," Raphael informed his brother, who merely rolled his eyes. "Speaking of which, how come you aren't hard? You can't bond with Lucifer, you're both Alphas! And you hate each other!"

"Don't be a narrow minded ninny!" Adam's voice called back.

Michael smiled. "What he said. There's no rule that an angel can't have more than one mate."

"You're taking it from the devil!?" Raphael screeched in terror.

"Occasionally, when I'm in the mood," Michael admitted with a shrug. "We much prefer giving it to Adam, though. I'd never have thought that there could have been anyone that could take the two of us."

"At the same time?" Castiel asked, intrigued.

Michael smiled slyly as Raphael had a fit. Once he had vented his outrage, Raphael got back to the matter at hand. "We have come here because Castiel has blackmailed me into helping him find a suitable mate. He has not been able to bond with any angel, alpha or omega, in heaven."

Lucifer slithered over now, carrying Adam on piggyback. "Has it possibly occurred to you that his mate may not be an angel?" he asked, gesturing to Adam. Adam bounced happily and waved merrily at Castiel, who waved back politely. 

"Hey again," Adam said. "Do you know what happened to Sam's body?"

"I was under the impression that I resurrected him," Castiel frowned.

"Nope. He's still down here, sans body. Now, he can't even close his eyes when we're all humping," Adam informed him. 

Castiel's eyes widened in horror. "Oh my. Please, child, help me retrieve his soul."

Adam clambered off of Lucifer's back and went into the Pit, returning with a glowing sphere that was Sam's soul. In a perfect baseball pitch, Adam hurtled his brother's tortured soul out of the cage, into Castiel's waiting hands. "Hello, Sam," Castiel smiled, stroking the small soul. Sam glowed in response, vibrating with happiness at the thought that he would no longer be a voyeur into his brother's polyamourous lifestyle. "I cannot transport a naked soul out of hell, Sam, so I am going to have to shield you with my grace. Brace yourself," Castiel said. Without further warning, he gulped down Sam's shrieking soul, nestling him safely in the confines of his grace, close to his stomach. 

"That was disturbing," Lucifer remarked, looking proudly at Castiel as he belched. "Coming back to the matter at hand, you could try finding a mate who is not an angel," he addressed Castiel. "There are so many species out there - demons, the aliens of Saturn, the fae, and even humans."

Castiel nodded in understanding. "Thank you both for your advice," he said to the two archangels. "I will find a mate for myself."

As Castiel turned to leave, Raphael held him back. "Wait, you demented goose, we have to release them!"

Michael wrinkled his nose. "Why? So that we can go back to that overpopulated mess that we call home? It's so peaceful here." 

"We just ordered new furniture," Lucifer informed him gaily. "We're getting a double king sized bed. I already placed an order with Hell's resident carpenter."

Raphael looked on in horror as a delighted Michael and Adam showered Lucifer with kisses for his thougtfulness, and fled with Castiel in tow. Upon reaching heaven, he hurried back to his room to jerk off some more, leaving Castiel to contemplate his new plan of action. 

"Earth seems a good place to start looking for a mate," Castiel mused. "I can also return you to your oversized body, Sam," he informed the soul within him, which was avoiding the angel's digestive juices. 

Decision made, Castiel flew down to earth to begin his mate search.

\---------------

"Hello, Dean, and soulless body of Sam."

"Cas!" Dean cried happily, dropping his beer all over Bobby's rug. "Wait, what?"

"Damn idjit!" Bobby yelled, bemoaning the new carpet stain.

Sam's soulless mind sensed that Castiel had come to return his soul to him, and made a break for it. Castiel tackled the younger Winchester and proceeded to vomit soul all over his face. Sam's soul then forcefully entered his own mouth and settled inside his body once more with a happy sigh. 

"Thanks, Cas."

"No problem."

Dean flailed minutely. "Would somebody tell me what is going on!?" He thundered, knocking over a Ming vase. 

Bobby proceeded to kick all three men out of his house and into the yard, where they continued their discussion while Sam petted Bobby's new dog. "So what you're saying is, the war in heaven is over because everyone is horny, and you're extra horny, so you and Raphael went to hell to talk to Michael, who is happily screwing my equally happy baby brother Adam with Lucifer, and that you also got Sam's soul?"

Castiel nodded, pleased that Dean had picked up the story so well. "And now, I am here to find a suitable mate for myself. I believe that Raphael also intends to find me a powerful mate who will quickly impregnate me, thus in his mind, making me submissive."

"Screw that!" Dean said vehemently. "Cas, you're a strong, independent, angel who don't need no man!"

Castiel nodded. "I know this, I led an army for millenia, and also matched Raphael in combat. None should mess with me. However, I also have a craving to find an equal for myself. I want to feel love, and bear fledglings of my own. I want to raise my nest and watch my children frolic amongst Bobby's junkyard, with my mate and myself watching fondly over them. I want to feel the pleasant burn in by body and grace when my mate takes me roughly from behind-"

"Stop!" Sam cried, covering the dog's ears, looking scandalized. He looked at his brother, who was looking too interested to be a neutral party. How curious. 

Dean reached over and patted Castiel on the shoulder sympathetically. "You've come to the right place, man. As your best friend, it is my solemn duty to set you up for life with the dude of your dreams. I'll scour earth, heaven, hell, and Jupiter to find you your man."

"Jupiter has no sentient life," Castiel corrected him. "You want to go to Saturn for that."

Dean nodded, taking note, while Sam watched in growing wonder. What were they getting themselves into now?


	3. Plans and Puking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean vets Castiel's potential suitors. As usual, no one is good enough for his angel. 
> 
> In hell, Adam experiences bloating of the prolonged nature.

True to his word, Dean was tireless in his efforts to find Castiel a mate. He put out word on dating sites and supernatural dating forums (those actually existed, he discovered to his great surprise), with an accurate description of Castiel.

\-- My name is Dean, and I stopped the apocalypse with my brother, the Angel Castiel, and my surrogate father. I'm looking for a mate for my angel pal. He's skinny, small, awkward, and can kick ass. He's got big, blue, eyes, and dark, bedroom hair. Really cute. Interested parties, contact Dean Winchester at guns-n-pies@gmail.com. Witches need not apply. PS- he's totally a bottom. --

Within days, requests were pouring in from both humans and paranormal beings with an interest in Castiel. Who knew that Cas was so desirable? Dean thought. He was going to vet all of these suckers, he decided. Cas only deserved the best. Dean chose a bunch of prospects by their usernames and gave them the address of a café in town where he, Sam, Bobby, and Castiel would meet and vet them.

Sitting at a quaint café and sipping on his pretentious coffee, Dean found himself growing angrier with every passing being. 

First up was the Angel Hadraniel, a hulking goon of an alpha sent by Raphael to hopefully tie Castiel down and tame him into domesticity. Castiel rebuffed him out of hand and kicked his ass all the way back to heaven as a message to Raphael.

Next was a Fae named Zãtmeknixuté. "Cas, can you imagine calling his name in bed? You'd never get laid," he reasoned with his friend. And so, they moved on to the next prospective groom.

Peter was a suave human from England, who loved memes and was a kindergarten teacher with an interest in the supernatural. Sam and Bobby both approved of him, and Dean reluctantly added him to the shortlist.

Next came a hunter named Elrod, who was clearly only interested in using Castiel's powers for hunts. Dean and Cas had him running off so fast that he didn't know what hit him. Castiel was now beginning to despair, thinking that people only saw him as a means to an end. 

"Hey, don't be like that, Cas," Dean comforted his friend. "You deserve the moon. There's someone out there for you who knows just how special you are."

"Too right, poppet," a grating, accented voice agreed. Dean looked up to see that the next prospect had arrived, and responded by jumping up with his knife at the ready. 

"Crowley!" He growled in anger. "Get lost!"

"No," Crowley replied, cool as a cucumber. "I'm here to court Castiel, the little angel who could. I'm not scared of you, and I'm not leaving, so you can put your little knife away now." 

Castiel looked at the demon, clearly impressed by his determination. "What do you propose to bring to this relationship, Crowley?" He asked, while Dean spluttered in shock. 

"I'll bring myself, and my sinful heart and mind. I also bring with me all of hell, and an impressive collection of ancient, cursed, artifacts. Also, I have a stunning mansion in Venice. Did I mention that I'm filthy rich?"

When Sam looked as though he was actually considering the proposal, Dean jumped up, screaming like a wounded banshee. Crowley looked unimpressed, and sipped on his tea in a sophisticated manner, eyeing Castiel hopefully. For his part, Castiel added Crowley's name to the shortlist, and the demon bid them goodbye, but not before kissing Castiel's hand in a gentlemanly manner. 

The group then proceeded to talk Dean out of murdering the demon, and to resume the hunt for a suitable mate. The next prospect was a witch, who Dean wasted no time in chasing away. He came back to the table with a bloodied knife, muttering about vile witches and ulterior motives. Castiel smiled at his friend, grateful to have someone who had his best interests at heart. Sam watched Dean and Castiel gaze fondly at each other, and wondered when Dean would give up this sham of a mate search and just bang Castiel himself. He shared a tired look with Bobby, who obviously felt the same way. 

However, Dean refused to see the light, and Castiel remained as clueless as ever as the search went on. Just when they were losing hope, and Dean was convinced that Castiel was going to choose Crowley and be his King Consort in Hell, hope arrived in the form of a short, boisterous, chocolate munching archangel. Sam jumped up in rage and threw himself bodily in between Castiel and the former trickster as Gabriel plopped himself down and sucked lewdly on a twizzler.

"Hey, Sassy Cassy," Gabriel crowed. Dean did not hesitate in shooting his suddenly-not-dead nemesis, while Gabriel looked only mildly offended at the hole in his blazer. 

Castiel sighed heavily and looked at Gabriel in askance. "Gabriel. Why are you here?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's mating season! I think we'd be perfect for each other! We both hate rules, we both love our family, and we're both totally rebels for a cause. Besides, I've been hard for five weeks now, and I know that you have a roughness kink. Trust me, honey, there's some sweet treats behind this packaging," he said with a sultry wink.

Castiel moaned in exasperation, but nevertheless added Gabriel's name to the shortlist, much to Dean's horror. He didn't waste a second more before he was dragging Castiel away from the lecherous trickster angel, and taking off in the impala. Once they were safely ensconced in Bobby's house once more, Dean whipped out the list and read out the shortlisted names, his face sneering uniquely at each name.

"Crowley," he spit out unhappily. "Over my dead body!"

Castiel raised an imperious eyebrow at his friend. "He is powerful, polite, and an intellectual. He has great political acumen, and a union between us would have great use."

"That's not the point!" Dean gasped. "Marriage is based on love, and mutual respect! You have to marry someone because you can see yourself growing old with them, sharing your life with them, and trusting them with yourself completely! Crowley is a treacherous worm, and I wouldn't trust him farther than I could throw him!"

Castiel mulled over Dean's words and nodded, conceding to his friend's greater wisdom. "You speak the truth, Dean," he rumbled. "You are truly wise."

Dean blushed and continued. "Next up, the meme-loving schoolteacher, Peter."

"He seemed nice," Sam spoke up. "Plus, he definitely likes kids."

"Meh. He's boring," Dean countered. "Cas is a Badass, demon smiting, combat ready angel of the Lord. This guy is practically a civilian. How do we know that he's not going to be overwhelmed when the supernatural is literally on his doorstep?"

"That's true," Bobby said, backing Dean up. "An intellectual interest is one thing, but can he handle it when shit comes knocking? I dunno, son."

And so, Peter was also nixed.

"Gabriel," Dean shuddered even mentioning the name. "You can't be serious."

"Gabriel almost never is," Sam piped up.

"Plus, he only wants your hot bod, Cas, you can do way better than him!" Dean said emphatically. Castiel's eyebrows shot up at Dean's description, causing Dean to duck his head bashfully. "What? You are hot! Sam agrees with me, don't you Sam?"

Sam cringed and looked at Castiel critically. "Vaguely cute," he muttered, causing the angel to smile happily. "The point is, though, that Gabriel isn't good for you. He has a history of leaving when things get too hot to handle. That's not a good quality in any life partner, Cas."

Castiel considered his words silently before nodding. "You are wise beyond your years, Sam," he said in awe. "I will widen my search, and find myself a partner who values me."

"You should find someone who accepts you for who you are, and will respect you. Most of all though, they should love you no matter what, because once you're bonded, that's it. You're family. And you have to be able to go to any extent for family, because that's the sort of love that you should have for your partner," Dean added.

"I will endeavor to find someone who shares your views and wisdom, Dean," Castiel said, absorbing all the information that Dean threw at him. 

"Yeah, man. Don't ever sell yourself short. I won't let you do that, you mean too much to me."

"Thank you, Dean," Castiel said, his words heartfelt.

In his rocking chair, Bobby groaned. When would those two idjits ever wisen up?

\----------

Down in hell, things were happening. 

"BLEEEEEHH," Adam went, projectile vomiting over a pool of lava. "What's happening to me?" He whined. 

Michael looked to be in shock, cradling Adam in his arms, while Lucifer looked chuffed to bits. "Aw, yeah, we totally knocked you up," he enthused, punching the air.

Adam turned hateful eyes on his mate. "How could you think that? I have no uterus!"

"No," Michael cringed. "But you do have a soul. Bits of our graces must have broken off and attached to your soul. The mixture is even now budding from you." Adam gaped wordlessly as Michael lay the facts in front of him in a calm manner. "Congratulations," he finished, his calm manner cracking with a small, but heartfelt, smile.

Adam's resultant screams shook the very foundations of hell, causing cracks to appear in the walls of the cage. Lucifer was the first to notice this, and gasped in glee at the cracking. "Darlings! Look! Adam's ungodly shrieking is causing the Cage to tear open from the inside!"

Michael groaned. "Do we have to move? It's not good to put a pregnant person under stress, you know. He should have a consistent, comforting, environment."

"Think of all the luxuries that we can have outside of this dinky little cage, though. We could have the finest of hell at our fingertips!"

"I'm craving tater tots," Adam said ponderously. "Can your demons do express delivery if we get out of the cage and into hell? I don't really want to move, I feel like a beached whale."

"Whales are amongst the most graceful of mammals," Michael purred to Adam. "Just like you." Adam giggled at his partner's hopeless flirting while Lucifer guffawed, then sighed.

"I wish we had a whale to bash the Cage walls with," he sighed wistfully. Suddenly, he brightened. "Wait, I'm a genius! Adam, you are my inspiration! Watch as I free us all from the confines of this dank cage!"

"Just don't break my stalagmite collection," Michael warned him. "I want to shape them into weapons for our future child to wield."

Lucifer nodded gamely and rushed to the antechamber of the cage to summon a horde of his demons. "Minions!" He called. "As you have seen, the Little King Consort's wails have caused the walls of the cage to crack!" The demons cheered their Little King Consort and his ungainly screaming, prompting Lucifer to raise his arms to call for quiet. "We need a formidable force to ram the walls of the Cage! Go, my demons, and fetch me as many whales as you can find to ram the cage walls with! With your unholy powers, we will be victorious!"

The demons cheered and smoked out of their vessels and into the oceans of earth, intent on abducting as many whales as their masters required. They would leave no stone unturned in releasing their evil overlords. 

No one else knew it, but at that moment, The Second Rising of Lucifer had begun.


	4. All In Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long.
> 
> Dean finally gets with his angel, Castiel loses his virginity and gains something in quick order.
> 
> Sam reveals the truth about Adam.

"Got a case for you boys," Bobby hollered from his computer. "The number of whales in the oceans have fallen drastically in the last three days."

Bobby's words were met with a scoff from Dean. "So? Call PETA, not us."

"There was also an increase in the sulfur levels in those parts."

"Damnit!"

"What're we supposed to do, though?" Sam asked. "We can't breathe underwater." 

"No, but the holy idjit can. Cas, you take this case," Bobby said. 

Castiel nodded. "I will commune with the fish," he said, his nose crinkling in distaste. 

"What's wrong?" Dean asked with a chuckle. "Don't like fish?"

"No," Castiel huffed. "They are, for lack of a better word, bitchy. They gossip about and engage in trash talk about everything, even us Angels, who are clearly their superiors."

"Aww, don't worry Cas," Dean cooed, "I'll grill you a nice, big, halibut when you get back."

"I look forward to it," Castiel smiled. "You're so considerate, Dean," he said bashfully, before flying away. Dean preened at the complement and skipped into the kitchen to make a killer marinade. As soon as Dean left, Sam turned to Bobby.

"You see it too, right? I'm not the only one," Sam pleaded of him.

Bobby snorted loudly in response. "The only ones who can't see it are those two little numbskulls themselves. Now, if only-"

"Hey," Dean called, racing into the room again, "do you guys think you could clear out tonight? I wanna surprise Cas."

"With fish?"

"No," Dean rolled his eyes hard, "with dinner." Bobby and Sam were struck dumb by what they had just heard. Meanwhile, Dean tapped his foot impatiently. "Well? Come on!"

"You're...making a move?" Sam asked. Dean nodded. "On Cas?"

"No, on you," Dean snarked back. "Of course, on Cas! I've been building up to this moment for ages, don't tell me that you didn't know!" At Sam and Bobby's incredulous looks, Dean sighed. "I set it all up, alright? The matchmaking thing, the subtle compliments, everything. I got really lucky that douche canoes like Crowley and Gabriel showed up. Soon, Castiel won't be able to resist me," he said proudly.

"That's a pretty convoluted plan," Sam said slowly. "Why don't you just propose to Cas?"

"Nooo," Dean said, shrinking into himself. "What if he rejects me?"

Sam flopped into the couch, and watched his brother cringe at the thought of losing his best friend. He felt his heart melting at Dean's pathetic see and stood up to sling an arm around his brother's shoulders. "I realize that your life has been filled with trauma and rejection, and that you've never learnt to deal with your feelings in a rational, adult, manner. As your brother, and because I love you-"

"Ew-"

"-shut up, Dean. It is my solemn duty to help Cas realize his love for you."

Dean's eyes brightened. "You really think that he likes me back?"

Sam scrunched his face up in disgust. "Oh, Dean, you're so wise. Oh, Dean, you're so considerate. Oh, Dean, you I love how protective you are of me. Oh, Dean-"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Dean said eagerly. "What do I have to do?"

"Dinner was actually a good idea," Sam conceded. "Maybe you could spice up the ambience a little? A few candles, one of Bobby's cleaner tablecloths-"

"I got tablecloths?" Bobby asked in wonder.

"-and Cas should start getting good vibes off of you."

Dean nodded animatedly, taking in every word. He grabbed Sam and ran off to the general store to pick up some scented candles, eager to begin planning his special night. 

The stage was set, and player one was ready and willing. Now, all he had to do was get player two on board, and the dice would get rolling all night long.

\---------

Wading through copious amounts of seaweed at the bottom of the ocean was not a way Castiel would choose to spend his time, and yet here he was, being catcalled by a school of belligerent puffer fish. 

"Look at the poor, little, angel, all on his own" one hollered. 

"Come for a good time, doll? Looking for a little underwater action?"

Unable to reign in his anger, Castiel smote the fish, and continued on. He was wet and cold, looking for information, while he could have been back home with Dean, eating vengeance fish cooked by his best friend. At the thought of Dean, Castiel smiled. What a kind man his friend was, always looking out for him, boosting his confidence, and touching him warmly- wait, what?

Castiel stopped short, making a passing octopus collide into him. Untangling himself from the cold, spongy, suckers, Castiel longed for Dean's sincere touch, missing his friend all the more. Had he been blind to his true mate all this time? Had his logic prevented him from seeing what his heart had already known? 

"Dude, seriously, move," the octopus drawled at him.

"Apologies, friend octopus. I have just realized that I am in love."

"That's cool, man. Say, why're you down here anyway?"

"I am looking for information on the missing whales," Castiel informed the friendly octopus, who immediately stiffened.

"Dude, I totally know what's happening," the octopus said eagerly. "A bunch of black eyed demons came here, and dragged my friend Frieda off to hell! They polluted the entire ocean with their stink! All you have to do is follow the smell of sulfur, and you can find them!"

Castiel nodded gratefully. "I will, friend. I will also add by best to return your friend to you."

The octopus wrapped him in an emotional hug. "Thanks, man. When you see Frieda, tell her that her Neddy is waiting for her," he wept. "We braved the gossip of the seas for each other, I can't live without her!"

Castiel was moved by Ned the Octopus' love. "Fear not, Ned," he rumbled. "I will get to the bottom of this."

Castiel ended up following the scent of sulfur deep into an underwater cave, where he spied on several demons hoarding whales. "Our king will be so pleased!" One demon enthused to his cronies.

"With the weight of these whales, we will finally be able to break the walls of the cage and release Lucifer, and then all will be right in hell!"

"We will have our royal heir born on the soil of hell itself!"

"Let us make haste," another demon cried. "Quick, take these whales to hell, and start bashing the walls of the cage!"

Castiel flew back to Bobby's house, horrified at what he had just learned. "They are using whales to break open the cage!" Castiel screamed, eliciting gasps from all those present.

"No!" Sam gasped, hand over his heart.

"Dangnabbit!" Bobby cursed, jumping up and down on his hat. 

"Oh no! Will we still be able to have dinner together?" Dean cried, gesturing at the lavish spread he had laid out for Castiel. Castiel's eyes popped in wonder as he surveyed the feast. 

Burgers, pie á la mode, fruit custard, and in the center of the table lay a whopper of a fish. Castiel approached it triumphantly, smiling cruelly. "So, we meet again, Bob Halibut. You dared to call my wings lackluster the last time I was in the Pacific Ocean. Well, how do you like me now?" 

Bobby dragged Castiel away from his dead nemesis with a growl. "Eat your enemy later! We got work to do!"

Castiel shot Dean a miserable glance, prompting the human to smuggle some dinner away for him. While Bobby and Sam argued on the merits of summoning a demon, Castiel snatched a moment alone with Dean. "Oh, Dean," he sighed happily whilst stuffing his face, "this is everything I've ever wanted."

"I just wanted to make you happy," Dean said eagerly. "I'll make dinner for you every night if it makes you happy, buddy."

"I will not be happy unless you promise me something first," Castiel said shyly, biting sexily into his burger.

"Oh?" Dean asked, his eyes riveted on Castiel's pink tongue dancing around his lips to pick off stray crumbs. Was Cas finally getting it? "What's that?"

"Promise me that whatever we eat, we will eat together."

"Do you mean-" Dean choked out disbelievingly.

Castiel smiled bashfully. "Yes, Dean. I've been blind for so long, looking for all the wrong things in a mate. You've opened my eyes. I want only to spend eternity with you, to bear your fledgelings, and watch them grow. We will go on family hunts, where together, we shall smite evil!"

Dean flung himself at Castiel, and the pair found themselves rolling on the floor, dinner forgotten in lieu of vigorous rutting and kissing. So engrossed were they in their newfound passion that they did not notice Bobby and Sam backing away slowly, shock and horror written all over their faces. Leaving the happy couple to theur thrusting, Bobby and Sam fled back to the study to formulate a plan to stop Lucifer from rising again. 

"Um...we could, have a demon smuggle us in?" Sam suggested, rubbing his eyes tiredly. 

"Yeah, good idea," Bobby muttered. "We should probably summon Crowley, he's been here before. That bastard has just as much to lose as we do."

"I'll get the summoning materials. I need to go and strain some thyme infused water for the ritual. Can I use your collarbone- um, colander?" Sam caught himself hastily. Bobby merely glared at him, allowing Sam to escape the tense situation. 

A short while later, Dean and Castiel snuck back into the kitchen, but left quickly again with some bleach and a scrubber, Bobby's indignant shouts following the giggling, newly minted lovers. Despite the permanent scarring in his mind's eye, Sam could not help but smile at the immature pair as they returned, Castiel looked extremely pleased, but winced as he sat down. Dean immediately bustled in with a cushion for his bum, patting it gently as he settled Castiel back down. "Um, where were we?" Dean asked sheepishly, while Castiel continued to glow.

"We were about to summon a demon to get us into hell," Bobby drawled. 

"Why?" Castiel asked, rearranging his ass for the tenth time that minute. 

Bobby looked at the angel with an incredulous glare. "Who else can get into hell, ya featherbrain? Lord, I thought I raised you better than this!"

Castiel looked deeply offended at the slight against his intellect. "First off, my intellect is amongst the highest of all the Seraphs in heaven. Second, you didn't raise me. Third, and most pertinent, of course I can get into hell, how do you think I got Dean out - with a fishing line?"

"But how are humans supposed to get in?" Dean asked. "Can our bodies enter hell?"

"Of course," Castiel said, frowning. "After all, Adam is down there, and is holding up quite normally, except for the fact that he doesn't age anymore. However, I think that is due to one of Michael's boons," he mused. 

Dean looked relieved to hear that Adam was alright. "That's one more reason to hurry up and get down there - we gotta get Adam out! He's probably been manipulated into being with those two douchenozzles!"

Castiel suddenly looked apprehensive. "He may not be as you remember him, Dean," he said softly. "His time with Michael and more so with Lucifer, has changed him. He is-"

"-AAGH!" Sam cried, burying his head in his hands. "Stop! I don't want to remember!"

"Sam?" Dean asked, looking worried. 

"I can't do it! I keep seeing him, writhing and moaning-"

Dean sobbed, picturing what their youngest brother was going through in hell. "Oh, God," he groaned. 

"-panting and screaming for more!" 

"...huh?"

Castiel heaved a deep sigh. "What Sam means to say is that Adam is in a very enthusiastic relationship with both Michael and Lucifer. He has, for all intents and purposes, become their omega in a polyamourous relationship. ."

Dean was struck dumb for a long while as Sam sobbed about how Adam kept shimmying around the cage with his pale, little, ass bouncing about, seducing the viceroy of heaven and the devil himself. "No!" Dean declared angrily. "I'm not going to give up on him! We're going to go to the cage, get Adam, seal the cracks in the wall, bring him back home, and then yell at him!"

Castiel looked wary at the plan, but wisely did not say anything. From what he had seen, Adam was doing quite well. His main concern was for the whales. Sam looked horrified, hoping that Adam would be clothed when they found him. Bobby was grumpy, but as this was not unusual, nobody paid him any mind. 

"Well, let's get moving," Dean said, making to leave. Castiel rolled his eyes and held his boyfriend back by the collar. 

"One does not simply waltz into hell," he said. "We must observe due process. This requires alerting heaven that we mean to get into hell. They will doubtless also want to know why we are going."

"We're going to get Adam back, and save some blubber bags," Dean clarified. When Castiel glared at his blatant disrespect, Dean hastily corrected himself. "I mean whales."

Castiel nodded and continued. "I must go and alert Raphael, as he is the only one in heaven with any free time, being the only one without a mate."

"No, Cas, I'll come with you," Dean said urgently. "I don't trust that mucus stain."

Castiel chuckled and filed the insult away for later use. He nodded genially, eager to show off his new boyfriend to his brothers. "Then let us depart, Dean. I hope you will not mind if we stop to make some introductions - I have some noses that I need to rub into the dirt." At Dean's questioning look, Castiel clarified, "Many of my siblings expressed doubts as to whether I would ever get a mate. I am going to enjoy rubbing my newly deflowered ass in their faces."

"Okay, but don't get too close," Dean said. "It's a nice ass, and I don't want them getting any ideas!"

The next moment Dean found himself next to Castiel in a brightly lit chamber, filled with frolicking Angels of various sizes, shapes, and ages. Most of them appeared to be rubbing one another, emitting pleased sounding chirps. A handful of them were rubbing their stomachs, chattering about how pregnancy was suiting them. As Castiel waded past his many siblings, one lanky boy latched on to his leg, squealing, "Cassie!"

"Yes, Inias?" came Castiel's measured reply.

"I'm mated!"

"How lovely, so am I, after a fashion," Castiel replied. 

"My mate is Bartholomew."

"That's disgusting," Castiel said, petting his brother's hair. "You're much too good for him. Would you like to meet my boyfriend?" At Inias' happy nod, Castiel gestured grandly at Dean. "Inias, this is my boyfriend, Dean. You know him as The Righteous Man."

At this, several Angels gasped, recoiling in horror, some even going so far as to cross themselves. "Michael called him a shitpot!" Inias tittered.

"Well, Michael is currently having a threeway with Lucifer and Dean's youngest brother, so that just goes to show how good his judgment is," Castiel huffed. "Judge for yourselves, siblings. Is Dean's soul not pure, and bright? Is he not brave, and loyal? Has he not the most captivating eyes, filled to the brim with emotion?"

"What of his cock?" Rachel asked eagerly. 

"That, too, is as long as the neverending road, and as wide as an eggplant!" Castiel's words were greeted with applause. Dean did not know whether to preen or wither away room embarrassment. Seeing Castiel's large smile prompted Dean towards the former, and he flung an arm around Castiel's waist.

"Hey, you know what else?" Inias asked, yanking insistently on Castiel's sleeve.

"What?"

"Im pregnant!" He squealed excitedly. 

Castiel's smile was heartfelt as he hugged Inias. "Congratulations, my darling brother!"

Inias hugged him back, jumping around in his joy. "You too!"

"What about me?" Castiel asked, confused.

"Pregnant!" Inias said, poking at Castiel's belly.

"Alas, no," Castiel said forlornedly. "We have copulated only once so far, and I fear that it will take more time-"

"No," Inias insisted. "You're pregnant now!" His loud proclamation was met by shocked silence from Castiel, Dean, and the surrounding Angels. 

Castiel grabbed Dean's hand, squeezing it hard enough to elicit tears from him. "Really?" When Inias nodded, Castiel turned to Dean to see the hunter's eyes brimming with tears of joy. "Oh, Dean!"

"Oh, Cas!" Dean cried, jumping on top of his boyfriend to the whooping of the gathered Angels. Several minutes of sensual touching and tonguing were interrupted by a very irate Raphael. 

"What do you think you are doing," he grit out, pulling Dean off of Castiel. Looking down at his dishevelled brother, his grace thrumming, Raphael groaned. "Are you kidding me?" He groaned. "One of you wasn't enough, that you decided that we needed a Castiel Part 2?" 

"Hey, goober," Dean called to Raphael, who shot him a glare. "Don't stomp all over our happiness, now."

"I am not stomping over anything," Raphael retorted. "In fact, I'm glad that Castiel won't be that mobile soon. Can't wreak much havoc when you're waddling around like a penguin," he said happily, patting Dean on the back. "Good work!"

"Baby, don't listen to him," Dean said, taking Castiel into his arms. "You'd make a hella sexy penguin." Castiel hummed contentedly, and kissed Dean, further rubbing his happiness in Raphael's face. 

"Why are you here?" Raphael asked testily. "I assume that it wasn't to repulse me further, you've already managed that, Castiel."

"We are here to inform you that Dean, Sam, and I intend to take a small trip to hell," Castiel said. 

Raphael's eyebrows danced dangerously close to his hairline. "And pray tell, why?"

Castiel cleared his throat and adopted a businesslike stance. "It has come to our attention that Lucifer is using the weight of hundreds of whales to ram the weakened walls of the cage to break free. We cannot allow him to break free, now that heaven is as busy as it is with all our pregnancies and mating season. We have no forces to combat his plans, and frankly, I don't want to give birth on the battlefield. I want to give birth at home, with Dean by my side, and lavender scented candles on the bedside table."

Raphael rolled his eyes and shook his head at his brother's naïve view of childbirth. He would definitely try to peek in on the actual event. "So, what? You're going to save the whales?"

"Yup," Dean confirmed. "We're also going to save Adam, and protect his virginity."

Raphael repressed an ugly snort at Dean's words. "What virginity?" He asked. "The buttsex has already been had. The flower has given up its nectar. The chicken has been plucked. The gardener-"

"Stop!"

"-has planted his seed," Raphael finished defiantly. 

Dean let one solitary tear fall onto his cheek. "You bastard," he whispered. "You low bastard! I'm going to save my brother, you wait and see!"

"Mm hmm," Raphael hummed nonchalantly. "While you're down there, can you save my brother too? He's also been fornicating with the devil. He's also been doing your brother, by the way, so good luck with that." 

"How do you know that the boy is not the one giving it to them?" Amitiel asked curiously. 

Raphael snorted, but in a sophisticated manner. "I am an Archangel, child, I know these things. The minute I saw that boy, I knew that he was a bottom. Also, Michael told me," Raphael added as a side note. 

The gathered Angels nodded sagely while Dean shook with silent rage. How dare those clueless geese talk about an innocent, little, boy that way! "Cas, c'mon, we're leaving! These goobers aren't going to help us! We'll save Adam and the whales by ourselves!"

"Don't forget Michael," Raphael called nonchalantly after them.

Castiel rolled his eyes and teleported back to Bobby's with Dean in tow. Announcing that he needed the restroom to vomit some more, Castiel disappeared while Dean briefed Bobby and Sam on the situation. "Cas is pregnant!" He cheered.

Bobby slapped Dean upside the head for not using a condom, and Sam immediately started thinking about ways to baby proof the house. "And he's still coming to hell with us? What are you idjits thinking?" Bobby asked incredulously.

"I am with child, not useless," Castiel scowled as he returned, wiping his mouth. "Besides, I am the most experienced warrior you have. Without me, all of you would be annihilated, and I am not going to be an unwed parent. Already, my siblings talk smack about me for being an unwed angel that is up the duff! I will never forgive you if you leave me to raise our beloved child by myself, Dean Winchester!"

"Yes, dear," Dean replied, cowed by Castiel's fury. "We'll have a big wedding when we get back, I promise."

Castiel smiled and simpered over his caring boyfriend. "Oh, Dean, I did not mean that. All I want is for us to have a happy family unit. We deserve to have that, and our baby deserves to know how loved they are. It would be counterproductive to that goal if you went and got trapped in hell."

"Oh, babe, I love it when you talk about love to me," Dean breathed. "I promise to always be devoted to you and Cas Jr., now and forever."

"Oh, Dean, how you arouse me with your loyalty," Castiel rumbled sensually, running his hands down Dean's chest.

"Mmm, Cas...eck!" Dean stopped short as Bobby threw a wadded up sock at him. 

"Stop that! That's how you got him pregnant in the first place! No sex until we get back from hell, is that clear?" Bobby's proclamation was met by grumbled assent from Dean and Castiel, who separated, but not before Dean got a good squeeze of his boyfriend's bum.

"Now, could we please get back to the plan?" Bobby asked tiredly, leading the troupe to sit at his dining table. "Cas, you may be an angel, but we need someone else. I'll be damned if something happened to you or your baby because you were too busy trying to save this knucklehead, or that big galoot," he said, pointing to Dean and Sam respectively. "I suggest that we bring Crowley into the plan. Like I said, he has a lot to lose if Lucifer is released again."

Castiel nodded reluctantly, seeing the wisdom in Bobby's words. "Very well. Summon him, then." Bobby casually pulled out his phone book and dialed the incumbent King of Hell, who answered with a gruff, "'lo?"

"Crowley, you sulfur fart, it's me, Bobby."

"Bobby, love," Crowley crooned over the line, "what can I do for you?"

"We're going down to hell to plug up the cracks in the wall of the Cage. You coming?"

"Anything for you, sweet pea," Crowley replied, causing Bobby to go red in the face. "I'll put in an order for some cement, shall I?"

"Have it shipped to our house," Castiel interrupted. "I will bless it first, and we can use that to cover up the cracks in the Cage walls. Anything imbued with divinity should make it stronger. You might not be such a waste of space after all, Crowley," Castiel mused aloud. 

"I love you too, you trenchcoated chicken," Crowley replied, hanging up. Within moments, several demons were knocking on Bobby's door, hauling buckets of cement. 

"Ten gallons of cement for 'The Cute Angel'?" The demon asked. When Castiel came forward, the demon produced a form. "Please sign, Mr. Cute." Castiel signed angrily, and proceeded to kick the squealing demon out. He got to work muttering prayers over the buckets, and looked to Dean.

"I fear the blessings of one angel may not be enough. I will need to call another to help me," Castiel said hesitantly. "Unfortunately, I know of only one angel who has enough free time to come down. Raphael!" Castiel called loudly, "I need your help!"

A disgruntled Raphael appeared, zipping up his trousers. "What?"

Castiel gestured to the cement. "Bless these, please. We're going to use it to plug up the cracks in the Cage." Raphael whinged and groaned, but acquiesced. Before leaving, he pinched Castiel's ear, eliciting a squeak from his younger brother.

"Remember to get Michael out as well," he reminded his irate brother. He released Castiel, and looked at him consideringly. He turned to Dean and barked, "You, ape! Be sure that his child is safe!"

"Ooooh," Dean rolled his eyes. "Look who's suddenly protective! Where was that love when you were smiting Cas, huh?"

Raphael swatted at Castiel again, who ducked and ran to hide behind Bobby. "Stupid pest!" Raphael growled. "I care only the barest smidgeon for Castiel! He is disruptive, rude, and rebellious, and frankly, everyone would be better off if he just moved in with you. It is my solemn duty to care for every angel, though, and I will do so for the offspring of my odious brother as well."

"Who are you calling odious, you ancient piss stain!?" Castiel yelled. Rapahel made to attack him, but Castiel leapt back, screaming, "Pregnant! I'm pregnant!" The older Archangel stopped I his tracks and settled for dumping a cup of cold water on Castiel's head instead, and promptly flew back to heaven for some quality time with Mr. Right Hand. Castiel spluttered indignantly while Dean stared lustily at Cas' white, wet, shirt and his now visible nipples. 

"Can we go to hell now?" Bobby asked angrily. "I want this all of this over and done with, so my grandbaby can be born in peace!"

Castiel reached for Bobby, Dean, and Sam's hands to transport them down to hell, but Sam retracted his hand hesitantly. "Don't you guys feel that all of this is too easy? I mean, holy cement? Really?"

Dean looked incredulously at his brother before smacking him upside the head. "What have I told you about gift horses and mouths!?"

"Don't look into them?"

"Right!"

Castiel grabbed Sam's hand and squeezed reassuringly. "Sam, what do you think was used to build the cage in the first place?"

"I dunno, I was kinda busy being tortured by Adam's nakedness. I kept my eyes closed, and I bumped into the fire pits a lot," Sam admitted shamefacedly. 

"The Cage is just stone," Castiel told him. "Stones from the very Earth that Lucifer sought to bring havoc upon. It is held together by the very grace of God, the essence of His divinity. This cement is fortified with the grace of one of God's first children. What is inside the Cage is a replica of hell, Lucifer's creation for the damned, and this evil illusion is sustained by his tainted presence."

Sam nodded, reassured. He took Castiel's hand gingerly, and pulled slightly. "Let's go, then. We got a brother to save, and a Devil to stop."

With that vote of confidence, Castiel flew, taking his family down to hell.


	5. All's Well that Ends Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The showdown begins. 
> 
> Dean is traumatized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, readers! This is the final chapter! Only the epilogue left to go!

"HEAVE!"

Castiel and Dean jumped out of their skins as a thud shook the very foundations of hell. Bobby swore, and Sam shrunk in on himself.

"HEAVE AGAIN!"

Another almighty shockwave rippled through hell, sending racks and various torture instruments falling. "I think they've started," Castiel said unnecessarily. "If we follow the shocks to the epicenter, we should be able to locate the cage. Then, I shall begin smiting."

Following the shockwaves proved to be easier said than done, as each wave sent the group tumbling over. They clashed with several demons on the way, and by the time the cage was within their sights, Castiel could already see the walls crumbling. 

"Stop, you foul creatures! Release those gentle mammoths of the sea!" Castiel cried. At his exclamation, the gathered demons all looked at him, bewildered. 

"These are whales, dude," one demon informed him. "Mammoths have horns."

"No, idiot," another demon chastised him. "They have gills, I think."

"Both of you are fools! They had fur and tusks!" Castiel yelled angrily. "I command you to release those whales!"

The whales in question stirred at being the object of the conversation once more and flapped their fins happily.

<< Our hero! >> They cried in the whale tongue. << Look at what these demons have done to us, glorious angel! They have disfigured us! >>

Indeed, the whales were now sporting what could only be called an exoskeleton, which a multitude of spikes protruding from underneath their new armour, to better break the walls of the cage down. "It's fortified brimstone, you ungreatful blubber sacks," a demon snapped at the whales. "I spent ages designing that armour!"

"You dare to disrupt the natural process, demon?" Castiel snarled. "You have mutated these creatures by tainting their bodies with brimstone and hellfire!"

"Speaking of natural," Sam spoke up, "how are the whales breathing without water?"

"Oh, that was a spell that our Master designed," the demon designed spoke up again. "Isn't he great?"

"Yeah, but why use whales in the first place?" Dean asked.

"Why not? It's evil, chaotic, and totally screws with the natural order. That's what demons are all about!" Came the cheery answer. Dean shrugged and accepted the answer as good as any other. "Alright, heave once more!" The demons cried, preparing for another blow to the wall.

"No!" Castiel snarled. He willed the buckets of holy cement to levitate and pour themselves over the demons and the cage walls. The collective horde shrieked as divine cement hit their skins, solidifying almost instantly. Dean and Sam waded into the screaming horde of demons, stabbing and shooting at any demon that had escaped the splash zone. Bobby and Castiel quickly got to work plastering more cement on the visible cracks, hoping to cover the walls. Despite their momentary victory, Dean realized that their luck was going to start running out.

"Cas!" He cried. "There are too many of them! Get the whales out!"

<< Brothers! Sisters! Our saviours grow tired! We must aid them! >> The eldest whale called. The whales then sprung into action, thrashing about in their new armour, flattening groups of nearby demons. Slowly, the tide turned to favour the Winchesters as the demons were flattened by the creatures of their own making. 

The battle was now in the Winchester's favour, and it looked like they would be able to accomplish their goal, until one whale accidently bumped a weakened portion of the fragile wall. 

<< Oops. >>

Everyone in hell stilled, and watched in terror and glee respectively, as the cage began to crumble. From inside the cage, there came triumphant shouts as Lucifer and Michael blasted the now paper-thin walls with their grace. For those listening closely, they would have heard the cheerleading of a small human as well. Within minutes, the cage fell apart, revealing Lucifer and Michael in all their angelic glory. The demons cheered and danced while Lucifer waved royally at the crowd.

"My loyal subjects!" He called over the din, quietening them. "You have completed the task that our dear consort started! You have our thanks!" The demons screamed their jubiliation while Castiel waded through the crowd to the front, to face his brothers. 

"Lucifer! Release Michael and Adam Milligan into our custody! Their place is not in hell," he said authoritatively. 

Michael walked out from behind Lucifer and pinched Castiel by the ear. "You apologize to your brother this minute, young angel," he growled. "You will not use that tone with him!" Castiel squirmed in his brother's grip and squealed in pain, causing Dean to leap into action.

"Let go of him, dick for brains!" He cried, extricating Castiel from Michael's grip. "Nobody touches my angel!"

Michael reared back in disgust. "Your Angel? Castiel, are you sleeping with him?"

"It's just as well that you didn't take him for a vessel then," Adam said nonchalantly, emerging from behind Michael. He appeared in all his naked glory, heavily pregnant with the heir to heaven and hell. "Hey Dean, Sam," he called waving at his brothers.

Sam closed his eyes out of practice, while Dean gaped at his brother's enormous belly. "How-how-"

"It's a soul baby," Adam informed him. "Their graces and my soul, to be precise. Michael readjusted my organs to make some space for the baby, and Lucifer got some demons to donate some skin, kidneys, and other stuff that was shrunk down to make a small body. Isn't that cool?"

"I donated my spleen!" An enthusiastic demon said. "It was such an honor, most Respected Consort!" 

"Thank you, Asmodeus," Lucifer said with a smile. "You will be rewarded for your help."

"That's alright, I'm regenerating one right now," the demon chirped. Dean looked squeamish at the conversation, and Castiel hastily changed the subject. 

"This is unprecedented. We came here to rescue you, Adam, and to seal the cage once more. Raphael was also keen to see Michael released."

"I'm fine here, thanks," Adam replied. "Although, I have this wicked craving for some angel food cake."

Dean gasped at the ultimate insult to his pie's honor. "You take that back, young man! No sibling of mine will eat cake over pie!" 

"Meh. It's too heavy for my tastes," Adam shrugged. Dean let out a strangled sob at his callous words, hiding his face in Castiel's shoulder while Adam bounced over to his husbands. "How's about it? Cake?"

"Anything for you, my love," Michael crooned. "Lucifer?"

Lucifer kissed Adam deeply before turning to address the crowd. "To mark our return from the accursed cage, I declare this day a helliday! Let there be cake, wine, and merriment in the streets, and let no soul be tortured today!"

"Awwww," the demons groaned at the latter part of the verdict.

"There shall be double torture tomorrow!" 

"All hail!" The demons yelled joyfully. 

"Now, go and make some cake," Lucifer said, shooing the demons away. As they scurried off to the kitchens, Lucifer turned to regard Castiel. "Well, well, well. Up the duff and no mate in sight? Castiel, I expected better of you."

"Hey!" Dean yelled indignantly. "I fully intend to marry Cas! We were waiting until we could lock your evil ass away for good!"

"And pray tell, how do you intend to do that now?" Lucifer asked, gesturing at the rubble of the cage. 

"...I'm working on it," Dean muttered defeatedly.

"No rush," Michael said nonchalantly. "Lucifer, I believe mating season is still in full swing," he said, gesturing to Lucifer's impressive boner. "Shall I take care of that for you?" 

"Why, thank you," Lucifer answered. "Don't strain yourself in your delicate condition, my little love," Lucifer added, turning to Adam. "We shall service you later." Adam grinned and settled in to watch, while Castiel and his humans made noises of disgust and shock. 

"Lucifer! Before you begin, at least release these innocent whales into our custody," Castiel pleaded. "You are supposed to love nature, what enmity do you have with these sweet behemoths?"

"I love nature," Lucifer answered, frowning. "That's why I gave the whales armour. Now, they will be invulnerable to human attacks, and their new defenses will leave them as uncontested rulers of the seas. Their numbers will soar with the lack of dangers, and they will be in plenty once more."

Castiel looked awestruck at Lucifer's forethought. "What an intelligent plan," he breathed. "Truly, we underestimate you, brother. From now on, I shall endeavor to see your gentler nature, and not allow my previous prejudices to cloud my perception of you, and anything else."

Lucifer nodded solemnly. "Go in peace, Castiel. I must join with my mates."

"Yeah," Adam concurred. "They're right about pregnancy. It makes you really horny. Michael, Luce!"

"Yes?"

"Take me now!"

"Alright," Michael said, gesturing for Lucifer to join in. "Come on, we might as well wank you off as well."

Castiel hastily took his humans back to Earth, and transported the hostage whales back to the ocean. In the coming months, there would be a new species of whale discovered, and a record number of fishing trawlers capsizing. Curiously, all the boats would bear similar mace-like indentations, leaving marine scientists baffled but pleased. No one would be happier than Castiel though, who had a soft spot for the tender hearted monsters.

At Bobby's house, Bobby herded all the boys outside and hosed them down, declaring that no one would be trailing hell soot into his house. Dripping wet and distressed at the memory of Lucifer's abnormally long cocks, the trio trudged inside, only to be confronted by Raphael, who had made himself at home.

"Welcome back puny humans, traitorous rebel."

"Swine's rectum," Castiel returned evenly. "What are you doing in our home?"

"Waiting for you. Where's Michael and his butt buddy?" Raphael asked, tearing into a packet of chips from Bobby's larder. 

"They are very happy in hell," Castiel informed him. "Adam is pregnant by both our brothers and Lucifer is free once more." Castiel took great pleasure in watching Raphael splutter and choke, writhing in agony on the floor at the news. "Adam may deliver at any minute," he continued cruelly. "This will be the first Nephilim in quite a while. It's going to be powerful too, given who it's fathers are." Raphael eventually crawled to his feet, eyes streaming, and crumbs around his lips. 

"You did that on purpose, you twisted porpoise," he grumbled. Castiel beamed, not even attempting to establish his innocence. "Michael really wanted to stay?"

Castiel nodded. "He has grown excessively fond of Adam, Lucifer, and Lucifer's penises."

"Penises?" Dean asked, picking up on the plural.

"In his true form, his penis is forked. It is one of the many things humans got wrong in their interpretations. How they mistook a cock for a tongue, I will never understand."

"...and Michael?" Dean asked, fearing for Adam's various orifices.

"He has four."

Dean fainted. Sam rushed to cradle his brother's limp form while Castiel attempted to steal some of Raphael's (Bobby's) chips, claiming that he was having cravings. "You don't even like potatoes!" Raphael cried, holding the bag out of his reach. 

"Yes I do!"

"No, you're just being contrary! Away, blasted leech!"

"Can we go back to the part about Lucifer's being free again?" An irate Bobby asked.

"He's free, but I don't think he'll be up to anything for a while," Castiel said, shrugging. "After all, he has two mates and soon, a baby to look after. He almost never left the nursery when we were fledgelings. We used to spend all day with him, and he would take care of us."

"So...he's basically dad-material?" Sam asked.

Raphael nodded resignedly. "It's one of his few merits."

By this time, Dean was starting to come to. "Ooooh, oooh, what happened?" He groaned. "Cas? I-"

"Multiple cocks!" Raphael interrupted loudly, sending Dean into a burst of terrified terrified sobbing. His job done, Raphael snagged another packet of chips before flying away to heaven, leaving Castiel to deal with his unconscious boyfriend, and congratulating himself on a job well done. 

\------------

Several days later, Bobby received a message via HeckEx that they were invited to Adam's baby shower. "To be frank, its long overdue," the delivery demon said. "The Beloved Consort is almost due, but seeing as how he was in the cage, we have to do it now."

Dean was on edge the whole day, and his anxiety was not decreased by the sight of a barely clothed Adam sitting on his own little throne in hell, in between Michael and Lucifer, who were doting on him. Castiel dragged Dean over, and gave Adam a hand knitted beanie, made to fit an infant. "Dean made it himself," Castiel said, smiling sweetly at his boyfriend. Dean flushed an ugly puce colour, but smiled widely when Adam thanked him sincerely. Sam had managed to embrace his brother's nudist tendencies and had gifted him a see-through lace skirt, which did nothing to conceal the wearer's modesty. He was thanked profusely by Michael and Lucifer, and by the demon population in general.

Bobby came laden with gifts - a lifetime supply of condoms for Lucifer and Michael, and a skull shaped rattle for the baby. He also bought some home brewed vodka for Adam, claiming that with a new baby, he would need a friend. 

Just then, Adam clicked his tongue loudly in annoyance. "Watch your step, Bobby, there's a nasty puddle over there. Can someone please mop it up before anyone slips?"

"Adam...it's coming from you," Sam whispered lowly.

"Oh," Adam said, reclining gracefully. "My water's broken! Time to push my way into motherhood!"

"You can't push, you have no vagina," Michael informed him lightly. "Wait here, I'll cut the baby out." 

Lucifer yelled frantically at his minions to set out clean bedding and water, sending everyone into a tizzy to prepare for the royal heir. Within minutes, Michael poked his head out of the room to tell Lucifer that they had what looked like a supercharged Nephilim boy. "Adam says that he wants to name him after his mother," Michael informed them.

"His mom's name was Kate," Dean informed him.

Michael frowned. "Well, I suppose Katiel is alright," he mused. "What do you think, Lucifer?"

"Whatever," the Devil replied happily. "Who does he look like?"

"A mix of our wings, my hair, Adam's eyes, and your penises. He got Father's cheekbones, though. Also, he seems to have a demonic tail, for some reason," Michael added hesitantly.

"Probably all the influence from hell," Lucifer shrugged. "It's just as well, our denizens can bond with him better."

"All hail the Little Heir!" The demons chanted loudly. "All hail Little Prince Katiel!"

Castiel grasped Dean's hand and squeezed gently, smiling at the thought that soon, they too would have a baby. Dean looked doubly excited and eagerly followed Lucifer and Michael into the birthing chamber where Adam lay frowning at his flailing newborn. "How am I supposed to feed him?" He asked despondently. "I'm a terrible mother!"

Michael quieted his hysterical mate and hugged him close. "Do not worry about that, my sweet. You just relax. Lucifer and I will take care of it."

"Huh?"

In response, Lucifer zapped off to heaven and returned with a distressed little omega. "Hello Inias," Lucifer crooned to his fidgety sibling. "Come, see my new child." Inias immediately stopped his flailing and began to make grabby hands for the baby. 

"Ooh! Ooh! I wanna see!"

"In time," Michael said happily. "We were wondering if we could ask a favor of you, little brother."

"What?" Inias said distractedly, still craning his neck for a better look at the baby. 

"As you have already weaned your infant off, and your milk bags are still full to the point of bursting, will you feed our baby?" Michael asked. 

"Okay!" Inias trilled, ripping his shirt off. Several demons whipped out iPhones to film him, but were thwarted by Castiel, who caused their phones to explode. Inias manifested one of his many milk sacks and began to nurse, and Castiel shooed everyone away. Once outside, he turned to speak to Michael. 

"You can't expect Inias to nurse Katiel throughout his infancy. I not know if you've noticed, but Inias seems to be pregnant again. He will tire easily."

"Stupid, horny, Inias," Lucifer grumbled. "Not everyone is as gullible as he is."

"What about you, Castiel?" Michael asked. "You have abundant milk sacks, and I can see even now how they grow. You will have plenty of milk. Would you nurse Katiel as well as your own, once they are born?"

Castiel looked at gullible, little, Inias and his sweet nephew, and his heart melted. He looked at Dean, and saw that his boyfriend was looking for his true form's milk sacks, and he shook his head in exasperation. "I'll do it," he said. "By the way, when will I be due? I can't really tell for myself."

"A few weeks, give or take," Lucifer provided. "The child grows fast, but it is rather small."

"Is that a bad thing?" Dean asked worriedly.

"No," Michael snorted elegantly. "I remember Castiel being unusually tiny, the smallest of his brood. How he became such a gigantic pain in Raphael's ass is quite frankly beyond me."

Castiel giggled evilly, massaging his stomach. Dean looked thrilled and drew him into a kiss and while Michael and Lucifer went to do the same to Adam. Sam, on the other hand, was actively avoiding being courted by a few die hard boy-king fan-demons, who were pressing their suits for his hand. They had even taken to approaching Bobby with bridal gifts meant to show that they could provide for Sam. When Castiel saw that Bobby was seriously considering Asmodeus' gift of a set of books on ancient demonic rites, he flew his family back to Earth. 

Once back on Earth, Sam proceeded to shoot betrayed eyes at Bobby, who threw up his hands in defeat. He would have to get his books elsewhere. Dean led Castiel upstairs to rub some vitamin oil on his growing belly and perhaps get a quick cuddle in as well.

In hell, Lucifer was refusing to let an oblivious Inias return to Heaven, while his mate Bartholomew threw a fit. Eventually, Michael would tell Bart that Lucifer was pranking him. Eventually. Adam was bonding with his new baby, and Lucifer had declared a week long hellatus from official hell duties for all demons. Michael was making his baby the weapons that he had promised, while Lucifer alternated between cuddling Adam and the baby and irritating Michael by erotically tickling his wings. 

Even Rapahel was at peace, alone in the silence of his chambers. There was no pesky Castiel, no whinging Angels, and even his boner had wilted for the time being. He was even excited to meet his new nephew, and had devised a plan to become favorite uncle arachangel.

In bed in his lover's arms, Castiel caught wind of Raphael's intentions via angel radio. Favorite uncle? Not if Cas had anything to do with it. With that thought and a devilish giggle, Castiel drifted off to sleep.


End file.
